I'm a lame-ass whiner

I need something different. I feel like I'm in a total rut right now. Work is its own exciting beast right now, so that's good at least. But my personal time (which is pretty much non-existent, anyway) is just... blah. Don't take that the wrong way - I'm happy at home, I love being a dad and a husband and all that jazz. I'm just not doing anything that's simply me being me for me, if that makes any sense.

Life is just: Wake up, go to work, come home and eat dinner, put work in on Worldwinner, put kids to bed, chill for an hour or two, sleep, repeat. And I have no idea how to break the cycle.

I had been hoping that having a normal work schedule would give me a chance to be more normal and do more stuff outside of the house, and it probably will eventually. It's just tough right now and I feel like whining. I mean, I barely see the kids any more, so I try to spend time with them (even when they're frustrating me to the point of ripping my hair out!) when I get home so that I can feel like a dad instead of just a stranger that pops into their life every evening. But then it's 9 or 10 p.m., and what is there left to do at that hour? It's not like I've ever been a barfly (or could even afford it) and movies are just too damn pricey to see at the theater, let alone go by myself while Kim stays home with the kids.

And it's not like I know a whole lot of people here. Most people that I do know are working that Copy Desk schedule I lived on forever and are at work until midnight or 1 a.m., so it's not like I can go hang out with them. The sad thing is, I don't even know what it is I want to be doing - just... something. I don't have the time to spend gaming that I used to (and most good games require a significant investment of time to truly enjoy any more); I don't have the time, quiet or solitude to spend reading as much as I used to; I'm not in shape enough to enjoy playing basketball like I used to; and that's basically the extent of my recreational activities for the last 20 years. Yay me for being adventurous and outgoing!